I remember being in a hotel room with my friends a few years ago, getting ready for a party. We were applying makeup when one of them turned to me: »Hey, do you also look at yourself in the mirror sometimes and think ‘damn I’m hot’?« I laughed. Of course not. I was avoiding mirrors then, and if I had to look, I would see all the imperfections, the flaws, and everything I thought should be improved. Nonetheless, her words stuck with me.
I got home and tried it. It was weird at first, I’d never looked at myself that way. First, I told myself I’m hot when I truly looked good; that was the easiest. Then, I did it when I had no makeup on. When I was hungover. On my period. I repeated it a million times until I started believing it. After years of therapy, working on improving my appearance and obsessing over the lack of self-confidence, it was her simple comment that finally changed the way I see myself.
So I’m writing this: A female friendship appreciation post. For the women in my life that have taught me so much – this one’s for you. <3
A colleague, and now a close friend, who told me what I do is irreplaceable. That my standards are already above average and that the spark and drive I have is rare. Another friend, whom destiny had to bring into my life twice before we understood we need each other, who taught me that everything is possible if you just ask for it. A friend I met at an extra-curricular project at work who taught me how to speak up for things I believe in. A woman I met at a pole dance class and has been my friend ever since who showed me that being beautiful and smart is a superpower. That having an emotionally distant father does not necessarily stop you from finding love with a great guy. My best friend who knows all of my dirty secrets and loves me nonetheless. Who taught me that it’s never too late to change. A friend whom I don’t see nearly enough anymore who taught me how choosing the right partner who supports you is the fundament of a good life. A friend who left her home and moved to the other side of Europe, only to be the one to create a feeling of home for everyone in her presence. A friend who taught me how to be more private, but instead focus your energy on the people you care about. My fellow ‘sufferer’ at writing our master’s thesis who taught me that trying hard and scoring high is a good thing, not something to be ashamed of. A friend I once started a small fashion brand with who taught me how to fight and stand my ground. My aunt who showed me how to be vulnerable. A colleague who showed me it’s possible to treat another woman’s child as your own, and always refers to her as ‘my daughter’. My sister who showed me how deciding to not dim your light for anyone anymore can be greatly transformative. My mom who taught me how to be kind, but firm. Who loves me unconditionally despite and because of who I am. And many more who add value to my life by just being in it, with their wit, their passion, and their love.
I can’t believe my luck. I’m surrounded by so many amazing, inspiring women, all of which I respect and love dearly. When I was younger, I never understood the importance and power of a female friendship. But allowing myself to be a girl’s girl – to learn all these things from them, become a part of the community, be a woman and be proud to be a woman – has changed my life for the better. We do what we do best. We’re loud but nurturing. We’re kind but strong.
We’re changing the world, little by little.